Anonymous guest post

My life has been a pendulum swinging back and forth between good and bad times. Up and down. I didn’t like the “down” part, but I learned a lot. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?

Phillis was my first girlfriend. She was 10 years older than me. We lived together for almost three years when she decided she to have gastric bypass surgery. The weight started coming off. She began to straighten her hair. She loved to go out and flaunt her newfound, curvy body.  Guys flirted with her and she loved the attention. However, her new nice figure didn’t change the way she saw herself. Inside, she was still insecure.

After we got married, I got diagnosed with narcolepsy, which is a condition where I would sleep most of the day. I wasn’t the ideal husband at the time either. I had communication problems.  I would get mad at her and go into a state of isolation and depression for up to four days.  

Suddenly, she connected with a long lost-friend, Candy. She was full of drama and trouble. I don’t blame Candy for our marital problems, but it was clearly at this point that our marriage went downhill. Every weekend we would go out to Candy’s house to party. They had a hot tub.  We would party till sunrise.   One night I arrived late and everyone was naked in the hot tub. Up until that point, I didn’t doubted Phillis’ fidelity. Soon after, I found out through my step daughter’s Facebook Messenger that Phillis cheated on me. She used her daughter’s messenger to keep it secret. It had been going on for some time. When I confronted her about it, she just said I could have sex with other women, as if that would solve the problem. So, to feel better about myself and to get even with Phillis, I had my own affair. Our relationship got very weird at this point.  And I felt really bad about it all.

I started abusing my prescription medication. However, it didn’t help  It just caused more anxiety.

We planned a trip on the 4th of July out to Algonna with Candy and her husband. However, I had a nervous breakdown because of the cheating and the abuse of the medication.  

I went into rehab for a week.  Phyllis went to Algonna without me while I was in rehab.  We decided to separate. We promised to be faithful to each other while we were separated. However, it was an empty promise.  

We got back together. Then she cheated on me, again. By this time, the love was gone. It was replaced by negativity and harsh words. “WHATEVER” was her standard response to me. She said it at least 10 times a day. It had got so bad that whenever someone else said “whatever”, I would instantly feel deeply hurt.  

Finally, she filed for divorce. I didn’t want to give up, so I tried to persuade her to go to marital counseling with me. But she refused. So, I granted her the divorce.   

I was broken. However, I heard this pain as a wake up call.To turn my life around. My unhealthy lifestyle was hurting me. I started going to church, reading in the Word, and helping people. Helping other people through tough times has helped me change my path in life. I find satisfaction and hope in helping others.  

Divorce was a horrible experience, but I am grateful for the wake up call.



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